Latest publication of a long-awaited edition of our "OFFICE QUOTE BOOK"

My name's Houdini. Ah'm a MIND reader.

Situation serious and absurd, as usual.

I think it's calcium, I think it's moon dust, I think it's ground up bits of fairy carcass….

Pocket Protector Children should not be allowed to do things for other people.

Wait, without my glasses, I can't hear well. *puts glasses on* Now, what did you say?

I remember the books from when I was a kid. I didn't read 'em, so the movies were great.

Feet, they go with what you're wearing.

If you don't go, I'd be happier than a sissy in a boy's camp.

Java, Joe, Pete, George, whatever his name is, I got some.

So apparently I'm not fluent in "Skunk." Instead of saying "Sir, would you please leave," I think I said, "Yo' mama…."

It's a good thing I'm not sitting on the Great Throne. Else you'd have to get some asbestos pantyhose.

You have the unfortunate position on the team of being the javalin catcher….

I think you're going to end up with some kind of dimented cross between Aunt Jimima and Cyndi Lauper out of that….

It can't be too much of a chic flick if it's got a poop pie.

With a C-clamp, you can attach anything.

Hey, if a mime gets stage fright….is it for real? or is it just an act?

I knew it was gonna be something special when I looked to the left and saw the sun, and looked to the right and saw the moon.

She's back there slinging pots; she's got something on her MIND, not just something on the stove.

Oh, bonus, I found money in my pants.

I don't remember what it was I was watching, but they were on the moon, and they found a woman's body. It was Alice Kramden.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

The other nite, while my little old lady housemate, Mary & I were watching American Idol, every time judge Steven Tyler would speak, Mary would observe, baffled, "I wonder why that lady has such a mannish voice?!"

I'd reply, "That IS a man!" and Mary would exclaim, "WHAT?! With all that hair and jewelry and everything?"

"Yes, he's a rock star...."

She was repeatedly aghast!


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3rd Edition Office Quote Book 2010

**Office Quote Book 3rd edition 2010**

Another edition of "actually overheard in our office" for your reading pleasure. ;)


There are two sides to every coin. Heads, I win; tails, you lose….

I love public television. Where else can you get a 15 minute commercial about not having commercials?

You can't fix old. I hate wrinkles. It's like ten miles of bad road.

Yeah, it's harder to get bigger than that….That would be a mammoth whale.

If you work in a mortuary, and business is dying, is that a good thing?

Thank you for asking. Or requesting. I'm not sure which word is best.

Young Suhn got the Gong 'cause he was wrong. Hong Kong bells do not go 'ding dong, ding dong.' They have a more sing-song bong bong, like in the movie with King Kong.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

You lookin' like you think you look like somethin,' but all the while you're just kin to the 'Keys….the MONkeys….

You're just a mule peepin' out from under the shelter.

Yeah, my flicker is definitely broken.

That's just what we need, popcorn scented plastic. Is your car weighed down? Just eat your backseat.

C'mon. LOOK at my office. Now, how could anything get lost in here?

Why you messin' up your face like that when you eat? You look like a cat chewing a wasp.

Wisdom is what Knowledge wants to be when it grows up.

You're fine? You're lyin'. Or else you need to tell your face.

Beelzebub…I like saying it -- it kinda makes your tongue tickle! Beelzebub, Beelzebub, Beelzebub….

Hey you woodchucks! Quit chuckin' all my wood!

Pocket-protector children shouldn't be allowed to do things for other people.

Wait, without my glasses on I can't hear well, now what did you say?

Just tell 'em people in Hell want ice water.

All the weather man had to say was there was a chance of snow, and the car would start slipping and and spinning and sliding backwards…..




(…and the following are a few from a recent email forward that was making the rounds)

• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station….
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


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2nd edition, 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

From ACTUALLY OVERHEARD at my workplace from mid-year, last year. There is also a 3rd edition I may post, here, as well. :)

ENJOY:


I may be an "idealist" insofar as I desire the ideal, but I am perennially disappointed by reality. That doesn't make me a pessimist. That makes me an ideal realist.

Just watch that you don't get to drinkin' too much, or make sure you check behind your ears, you might have the beginnings of a gill. Or a sudden increased urge to go swimming.

…I would say 99.5674 percent of the time. But that's just an estimate.

They don't wanna trust me with a chainsaw. I'd hurt more than the trees. It would be the Comstock Chainsaw Masacre.

Person one: I smell popcorn.
Person two: That may just be 'cuz I have my foot-heater on too high.

My honorary Japanese name is Young Foo'….Young Foo', tha rapper!

What you say, "them sparks my buds"?

It's not a question of "Who's first in line for soup?" - there is no soup! I got an empty pot.

I wish I'da came up with the idea of Facebook.

Person 1: I got two words for you. Iyanegonebe-Abildoowit.
Person 2: You gonna DO it and you gonna LIKE it.

I'm too cool to sweat.

Yeah, I get these emails from you that are darker and the font is all different; you're throwing off my Chi.

If your name is "Nick," what's your nick-name?

I'm allergic to bills. My typical symptoms are breaking into a sweat and shortness of breath….

You can't ride in a convertible with the top down and the windows up!

You scroll down the list, and it's, "ick ick ick, maybe maybe, OH! OH!"

It's a case of who's running the assylum, today. Is it the prisoners or the inmates? Or the patients? I think it's the patients, today.

I wonder if all the fire in the world comes from there. You know? All the conflict. It starts there and works it's way out and around the globe and comes back on itself….Maybe I should write a book of Curiosity?

Well it's her own fault for marryin' you. I mean, really, she just brought it on herself.

Doctor says, "All's well that ends swell."

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