~Bird Watching with Mary~

The other night, I was enjoying the quiet evening with Mary - sitting with her in her living room, munching some Homestyle Popcorn and watching the birds flit about the bird feeders dangling from the front porch. From time to time, we commented about the various "dramas" unfolding in front of us - which birds were bullies, how each bird seemed to wait their own turn, etc.

I wish I knew Mary in her younger years - I feel I get a glimpse of how her mind must have worked when she was at her sharpest. Now, at 87, she is often quite childlike, perhaps moreso because her memory has started to fail.

Nevertheless, here's a portion of our actual conversation that nite:



mary: i wonder what time birds go to bed.

~ me: i don't know; you hear the early bird gets the worm, so mebbe they go to bed early, too?

mary: you'd think they must not be able to see too good at night. 'course, what about night owls?

~ me: they must be the exception if they've gotta have "night" in the name.

mary: the exception that proves the rule.

~ me: i s'pose so.

*pause*

mary: i wonder what time birds go to bed....



~L

~Driving Thru a Rainbow~

Was driving home from work this evening and could see I would be entering a pop-up summer thunderstorm in the distance as the sun was getting low in the sky behind me - a perfect recipe for a Rainbow. So I had my eyes wide open, scanning the cloud linings.

Sure enuf, I saw one suddenly appear to the left of the freeway as I was also being attentive not to hydroplane, and I noted with fascination that I drove fully up TO and then THROUGH the rainbow which (by virtue of my angle of view) magically faded and disappeared just moments later.

Later, after communicating this bit of childlike dreamy wonder, my friend Mary quipped, "Did you find a pot of gold or run over a leprechaun?"

To which I soberly replied, "...The rest of the road home was built out of yellow brick. Is that strange??"


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perhaps only funny cuz is sad but true?

This list of "characters" was in an ad I received recently for a seminar being offered on how to deal with unacceptable employee behavior - Thought it was ... almost too true to be funny. But might bring a grin, and perhaps a conviction? (I found myself asking which one(s) fit me?)

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 The Excuse Artist — Misses every deadline and goal, but always seems to be ready with a good excuse or to place blame and point fingers at others.
 The Short-Changer — Late to work, early to leave, "stretched" lunches, extended breaks ... this person makes an art out of shortening and short-changing the workday, while leaving coworkers "holding the bag"!
 The Intimidator — Everyone's tip-toeing around this person, lest they incur wrath and anger! The Intimidator uses fear and bullying tactics to control coworkers and can single-handedly ruin an entire team.
 The Gossip — Behind closed doors, over the grapevine, and under the radar, they're waging verbal warfare ... personal attacks, rumors, carping, and criticism are the tools of their trade!
 The Clod — This one is a master procrastinator ... and when the Clod does finally get down to business, the work progresses at a snail's pace ... stressing out team members, putting other departments behind schedule, and ultimately, guaranteeing missed deadlines and unhappy clients.
 The Downer — No matter what, this person is unhappy ... for this pessimist, the glass is always half-empty. The Downer maintains a consistently negative, stifling presence and constantly spreads the bad news to everyone else.
 The Minimalist — Apathetic and low-performing ... these unmotivated workers can be counted on to give the bare minimum (or even less). They make an art out of turning in mediocre performances that are poor enough to frustrate managers ... but passable enough to keep them employed!
 The Soap Star — Their continuing "soap opera" of problems not only hurts their own productivity, but distracts sympathetic coworkers who get drawn into their never-ending predicaments and problems.
 The Itch — They need constant attention, reassurance, and feedback ... and take so much energy and time to manage, you often find yourself sacrificing your job responsibilities to help them meet theirs!
 The Smarty-Pants — Challenges your management authority openly and forcefully, constantly questions management decisions, and creates a harmful undercurrent of "anti-management" chatter.


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ONE SHOE

*originally posted on FB on 4/6/10*

For the past couple days, one unaccompanied woman's size 9 shoe has been sitting on a mat by the back door, and periodically Mary - the elderly lady with whom I now live - has picked up the shoe to fuss about where it could have come from.

I suggested she keep it by the door in the event the owner might find it upon a return visit (we receive regular visits from various family members at the house), though neither of us could imagine how someone could walk out and not notice one shoe missing.

Last night, upon one more asking of "Who could this belong to? I can't imagine someone leaving just one shoe!," I teased her by saying "Well, Mary, it belongs to my invisible friend, Marge!" When Mary scoffed, I feigned insult and said, "Now don't make fun...Just cuz she only has one leg!!"

Mary paused for a moment like she couldn't quite tell if I was kidding, then burst out laughing and promptly chased me around the kitchen till she could swat my bottom with that self-same, lonely shoe!

...The act of which caused her to discover there was some tissue stuffed into the toe, and realizing that would make a size 9 more like an 8 1/2 (her size), she went to rummage in her closet where she (finally) found the other 1/2 of the pair and exclaimed that by golly it WAS her shoe after all!



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1st Edition 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

I keep a collection of quotes actually heard around the office where I work; I try to keep these clean, so MUCH of what I hear doesn't get saved, or gets "bleeped" with *'s as needed. But, for those who like a little chuckle, it seems to boost morale. ;) Here's the latest:

1st Edition 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

I may just be tilting at windmills, here....

I'm just waitin' to see if this was the overplay for the underlay....

Oh, buzzard bait!

I got this Hawthorne, and it's a sticky little bugger!

I just don't wanna go out in the cold; I have advanced candy-a**-itis.

Fairy dust I do, it's the guaranteed fairy dust I have a little more difficulty with.

I'm not done bein' young, yet.

Then it's like a harmonica, you've got it comin' in and goin' out.

person 1: ...I had a girlfriend of German descent, once.
person 2: I bet she was beautiful!
person 1: Very. But half the time, I couldn't understand anything she was sayin'. I'd have to look at her face to know if it was good or bad....And sometimes, I'd have to ask, "That's good, isn't it?"
person 2: You do that when I'm speaking English to you....

As one vulture said to the other, "Patience my butt, let's kill something."

She wanted a checklist, and "When are you meeting your checklist?"....Frickin' School-Marm stuff.

person 1: ...and that's why I drink when I leave here.
person 2: You wait till you leave? I should try that....

...You know somethin' that Punxatony Phil doesn't know?

person 1: How are you?
person 2: Good. It's just ... It's a bad thing when the blood trail leads to the knife you just cleaned off and put in the drawer.

Is that a roast beef joint run by medieval women?

So, when you grow up, you wanna be an OJ's type singer?

Oh, good! The tuition reimbursement has been reinstated. I can sign up for that "ballet for dummies" class I wanted!

You might say he is handsome. I might say he is brilliant. And we could both be right. This isn't one of those kinda situations.

I can't imagine when underwear used to be made out of burlap. That can't have been too comfortable. How could you tell your kids to settle down when they're just itchin' and scratchin'....

I've heard a "quarter" defined as "Oh yeah, that one that clanks really loud in the offering plate as it goes by...."

person 1: That's an LAE.
person 2: LAE?
person 1: "Lame A** Excuse"
person 3: Hard to get a visual on that one; I dare ya.
person 2: It works for the 4-legged variety!
person 3: ...Oh, as in a gimpy burro? That could be code from here out....

Whatever trips yer trigger.

You're the pig, not the chicken.