1st Edition 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

I keep a collection of quotes actually heard around the office where I work; I try to keep these clean, so MUCH of what I hear doesn't get saved, or gets "bleeped" with *'s as needed. But, for those who like a little chuckle, it seems to boost morale. ;) Here's the latest:

1st Edition 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

I may just be tilting at windmills, here....

I'm just waitin' to see if this was the overplay for the underlay....

Oh, buzzard bait!

I got this Hawthorne, and it's a sticky little bugger!

I just don't wanna go out in the cold; I have advanced candy-a**-itis.

Fairy dust I do, it's the guaranteed fairy dust I have a little more difficulty with.

I'm not done bein' young, yet.

Then it's like a harmonica, you've got it comin' in and goin' out.

person 1: ...I had a girlfriend of German descent, once.
person 2: I bet she was beautiful!
person 1: Very. But half the time, I couldn't understand anything she was sayin'. I'd have to look at her face to know if it was good or bad....And sometimes, I'd have to ask, "That's good, isn't it?"
person 2: You do that when I'm speaking English to you....

As one vulture said to the other, "Patience my butt, let's kill something."

She wanted a checklist, and "When are you meeting your checklist?"....Frickin' School-Marm stuff.

person 1: ...and that's why I drink when I leave here.
person 2: You wait till you leave? I should try that....

...You know somethin' that Punxatony Phil doesn't know?

person 1: How are you?
person 2: Good. It's just ... It's a bad thing when the blood trail leads to the knife you just cleaned off and put in the drawer.

Is that a roast beef joint run by medieval women?

So, when you grow up, you wanna be an OJ's type singer?

Oh, good! The tuition reimbursement has been reinstated. I can sign up for that "ballet for dummies" class I wanted!

You might say he is handsome. I might say he is brilliant. And we could both be right. This isn't one of those kinda situations.

I can't imagine when underwear used to be made out of burlap. That can't have been too comfortable. How could you tell your kids to settle down when they're just itchin' and scratchin'....

I've heard a "quarter" defined as "Oh yeah, that one that clanks really loud in the offering plate as it goes by...."

person 1: That's an LAE.
person 2: LAE?
person 1: "Lame A** Excuse"
person 3: Hard to get a visual on that one; I dare ya.
person 2: It works for the 4-legged variety!
person 3: ...Oh, as in a gimpy burro? That could be code from here out....

Whatever trips yer trigger.

You're the pig, not the chicken.