2nd edition, 2010 OFFICE QUOTE BOOK

From ACTUALLY OVERHEARD at my workplace from mid-year, last year. There is also a 3rd edition I may post, here, as well. :)

ENJOY:


I may be an "idealist" insofar as I desire the ideal, but I am perennially disappointed by reality. That doesn't make me a pessimist. That makes me an ideal realist.

Just watch that you don't get to drinkin' too much, or make sure you check behind your ears, you might have the beginnings of a gill. Or a sudden increased urge to go swimming.

…I would say 99.5674 percent of the time. But that's just an estimate.

They don't wanna trust me with a chainsaw. I'd hurt more than the trees. It would be the Comstock Chainsaw Masacre.

Person one: I smell popcorn.
Person two: That may just be 'cuz I have my foot-heater on too high.

My honorary Japanese name is Young Foo'….Young Foo', tha rapper!

What you say, "them sparks my buds"?

It's not a question of "Who's first in line for soup?" - there is no soup! I got an empty pot.

I wish I'da came up with the idea of Facebook.

Person 1: I got two words for you. Iyanegonebe-Abildoowit.
Person 2: You gonna DO it and you gonna LIKE it.

I'm too cool to sweat.

Yeah, I get these emails from you that are darker and the font is all different; you're throwing off my Chi.

If your name is "Nick," what's your nick-name?

I'm allergic to bills. My typical symptoms are breaking into a sweat and shortness of breath….

You can't ride in a convertible with the top down and the windows up!

You scroll down the list, and it's, "ick ick ick, maybe maybe, OH! OH!"

It's a case of who's running the assylum, today. Is it the prisoners or the inmates? Or the patients? I think it's the patients, today.

I wonder if all the fire in the world comes from there. You know? All the conflict. It starts there and works it's way out and around the globe and comes back on itself….Maybe I should write a book of Curiosity?

Well it's her own fault for marryin' you. I mean, really, she just brought it on herself.

Doctor says, "All's well that ends swell."

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