Latest publication of a long-awaited edition of our "OFFICE QUOTE BOOK"

My name's Houdini. Ah'm a MIND reader.

Situation serious and absurd, as usual.

I think it's calcium, I think it's moon dust, I think it's ground up bits of fairy carcass….

Pocket Protector Children should not be allowed to do things for other people.

Wait, without my glasses, I can't hear well. *puts glasses on* Now, what did you say?

I remember the books from when I was a kid. I didn't read 'em, so the movies were great.

Feet, they go with what you're wearing.

If you don't go, I'd be happier than a sissy in a boy's camp.

Java, Joe, Pete, George, whatever his name is, I got some.

So apparently I'm not fluent in "Skunk." Instead of saying "Sir, would you please leave," I think I said, "Yo' mama…."

It's a good thing I'm not sitting on the Great Throne. Else you'd have to get some asbestos pantyhose.

You have the unfortunate position on the team of being the javalin catcher….

I think you're going to end up with some kind of dimented cross between Aunt Jimima and Cyndi Lauper out of that….

It can't be too much of a chic flick if it's got a poop pie.

With a C-clamp, you can attach anything.

Hey, if a mime gets stage fright….is it for real? or is it just an act?

I knew it was gonna be something special when I looked to the left and saw the sun, and looked to the right and saw the moon.

She's back there slinging pots; she's got something on her MIND, not just something on the stove.

Oh, bonus, I found money in my pants.

I don't remember what it was I was watching, but they were on the moon, and they found a woman's body. It was Alice Kramden.